Just to get you all in a festive mood here are a few of my favourite childhood jokes.
One cold Winter's day a baby polar bear asked his Mum "Is there any brown bear blood in our family?"
Mummy bear replied" No, darling, there isn't"
A little while later he came back and asked again, "Are you sure there isn't any brown bear blood in our family?"
"No, darling ", she replied "But why do you keep asking?"
"Because I'm cold" .
What animal would you like to be in Winter?
A little otter.
Now two jokes that are really corny but Grandpa could tell us time and time again and we always collapsed in helpless laughter. It really is a question of the way you tell 'em !!
Mrs. Bigger had a baby, who was bigger?
Mrs. Bigger or the baby?
The baby !!! because he was a little BIgger !
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney ?
You're too young to smoke.
A man goes into a bar in Somerset and orders a drink. While he is quietly sipping his beer he notices that all around him the men are drinking pint after pint after pint. They all look perfectly sober no matter how much they drink.
Astounded, he quietly asks the bartender, "Excuse me sir, but don't any of these men ever get drunk ?"
the bartender replied, "Nay, master, but we had one of them burst last week ":
This last joke for today was one of my favourites:
A man was walking down the road when all of a sudden his hat blew off, a dog ran out of a nearby house and ran off with the hat.
The man walked up to the front door of the house and knocked.
A man opened the door and said rudely "What do you want?!!"
the man asked politely "Excuse me, but your dog has got my hat ".
"I don't care if my dog has got your hat", came the rude reply.
the man started walking along the road again and thought to himself "I don't like that man's attitude ":
He returned to the house and knocked on the door, which flew open, and the man again said rudely, "What do you want?"
"I don't like your attitude" said the man
" It wasn't my hat he chewed, it was your hat he chewed ".
Ho! Ho! Ho!