This got me thinking about manners.
What people do, is largely based on how they have been taught to behave, and what is considered acceptable, either within their family, or their country.
If children are allowed to jump on the sofas , walk about indoors in their muddy boots, they will.
If people are allowed to park their cars any old where, sound their horns at all hours of the day, they probably will.
Manners make life more pleasant.
My favourite example of this, is the pedestrian crossing.
In Italy, the pedestrian crossing is considered by many to be there only as a "suggestion", that it is a "fairly safe" place to cross the road. Cars move as though they are not obliged to stop, maybe just slow down a bit. If you stop to let someone cross, without checking your rear view mirror, you could put them in danger, as the car behind happily overtakes you.
In Britain, on the other hand, the pedestrian crossing is flanked by orange beacons, and woe betide anyone who parks near one. You just have to hesitate, by a crossing, and the cars screech to a halt. You feel like a star, maybe you should curtsy or bow as you cross. The power!
The driver of the car isn't necessarily any kinder or more polite than his Italian counterpart, it's just what he has been taught.
Every country has different rules about what is considered polite.
In Japan, it is the height of rudeness to walk around the house in your bathroom slippers, they must only be used in the bathroom.
In France, you can arrive late for an appointment without causing offence.
To the delight of many a little boy, in some countries, a burp is a sign of appreciation of your meal.
When you are introduced to someone in Italy, it is polite to offer your right hand and say your name, followed by piacere ("pleased to meet you"). You only kiss if you already know each other.
In Britain, kissing is now popular, but often no-one knows whether to start from the right or left cheek, so you can end up kissing on the mouth, or smearing a man's glasses with your foundation.
The dining table is a great place to learn manners.
Don't start eating until everyone is served. If you are the host, make sure your guests finish eating before you do. Pass round food before helping yourself. No elbows on the table.
Many people consider table manners a sort of middle class invention, and there are different rules of etiquette that may seem old-fashioned today.
In Italy it is quite normal to interrupt someone while they are mid-sentence, if you think you can make a valid contribution to the conversation. In Britain it is considered rude.
When someone says grazie ("thank you") it is polite to say prego (literally, "I beg you").
A nice habit, to copy from our American cousins, is to reply "you're welcome" to thank you.
I once had a book, called "Everything I need to know, I learnt at Nursery School". It was all about sharing toys, quiet time, washing hands before a meal, everything you are taught in nursery school applied to the adult world. My favourite was "When out in the traffic, hold hands and stick together".That's what we need to do.
"Manners maketh man", by William Wykeman 1324-1404, is the motto of Winchester and New College in Oxford. It implies that a way a man behaves, says a lot about him as a person.
Hilaire Belloc, the Anglo-French writer, wrote a poem called "Courtesy", He gives immense importance to courtesy, here is the first verse.
Of Courtesy, it is much less
Than Courage of Heart or Holiness
Yet in my walks, it seems to me
That the Grace of God is in Courtesy.
A good relationship is made up of many small acts of kindness, but it is what is in people's hearts, that is important.
Often it is not a question of what you do, but the way you do it.
Once, the head of the Post Office, whom I had met only once, came round to my house, in his lunch hour, to deliver personally a parcel that he knew I had been eagerly awaiting.
Sadly, some people are capable of doing apparently kind things for the most unpleasant reasons. Rude people have often just never been shown how to behave. Someone who is fond of you might be quite rude. Someone who agrees with you all the time, might just be indifferent.
In Primo Levi's short story The Mirror Maker, we are made aware of the potential dangers,of seeing too much into people's minds.
It tells the story of a mirror maker, who invents a mirror, that when placed on someone's forehead, reflects the image of how they see you.It is not a successful invention.It's better not to know, sometimes.
British people are famous for saying "sorry" whenever someone bumps into them or treads on their toes, even if it wasn't their fault. So sorry if this is rather a long post. I hope you like it !
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